A. Thank you for your question and in response I would advise that it is quite normal for the parent who does not live with their child to have regular telephone contact. The only time this would not be the case would be where the arrangement is being abused. I assume this is not the case and as such you should be able to ring your son. If the number has changed then the new one should be given to you. If your son has a mobile perhaps you could ring him on this. Either way you need to speak to your ex partner but avoid doing this in the presence/ear shot of your son.

A. I am sorry to read the contents of your email given that you sound so emotionally fraught. Without knowing the facts that are before the court I cant't give you advice as to its decision. However, generally speaking a court will not focus on the past and will encourage parents to have equal input in to their children's lives. It is not the court's role to punish a previously, seemingly, uninterested parent by restricting contact now. This is not in a child's best interests. That is not to say that it does not have sympathy for the resident parent who has covered many times over for the other parents lack of interest in order to protect the child but it cannot let this cloud its judgement as to what is good for the child now.

A. Thank you for your email and what you describe is every separated parent's fear. It is quite a step for your ex to take and is one I would have expected him to discuss with you and the boys. You don't say that he did/has.

You don't say in your email how you would want to try to manage the boy's on going relationship with their father. Any change has to be in their best interests and you cannot really make that decision unilaterally and not really without meeting your ex and his new partner.
At the moment you only have town gossip to rely on as to what type of person this woman is so it would certainly help for you to meet with her. There is no reason why you should not ask to meet with her given that she is potentially going to be a permanent figure in the children's lives. Presumably your ex will be aware of what is said about her and whilst I am not suggesting that you confront him he should appreciate that you may have concerns.

Unless she presents a risk to the children that can be proven you will find it difficult to persuade a court to intervene so you need to find a solution with your ex. I know that this may be difficult to achieve so you may want to discuss your concerns with a mediator. Either a professional or a family member or mutual friend. Of course, your ex has to be willing to take part in such a process and again I know that he may refuse to acknowledge any issue at all.

The question for you is whether you think that the boys are at risk if their father is with them the majority of the time. If you feel they are then I could well understand you placing a halt on contact until your ex is prepared to sit down with you and listen, genuinely, to your concerns. You would not be doing anything that would get you in to trouble and provided that you had given your ex every opportunity to discuss the situation before stopping contact you would not be criticised.

I do hope this helps you.

A. The bottom line answer is that you can be made to sell the house, however, the points you makes about there being no equity and the children's main home are factors that could be taken in to account when determining whether the house should in fact be sold.

A. You must be finding your situation very hard and I am sure your son is missing you. I will do my best to provide some help with the limited information you have given me. I presume that you have tried to maintain regular contact with your son by telephone as well as actual visits and that both of these types of contact are being blocked by mum. You may find it helpful to contact a third party who is a family member or mutual family friend whom you both trust, they could try to mediate between you both to get some contact off the ground again. You do not say how often you were seeing your son prior to contact stopping but it is important to understand why contact is now being blocked so that any issues can be addressed.

Whilst mums moving out of the area would have been difficult for you to oppose the courts would have ensured that there was provision made for
you maintaining a relationship with your son. Mum should not have changed your son's surname and you could make an application to the court to have the name change reversed. However, please be mindful of
the fact that it is hard to police a change of name in that you could well be successful in reversing the change of name but you will not know whether day to day usage remains the surname preferred by mum. In any
event, it is probably more important to your son that you work towards getting contact up and running than focusing on the change of name.

If it is not possible to ask the help of a third party then I would recommend that you see a solicitor to assist you in opening up the lines of communication. It may be quite possible for something to be agreed
without the need for court proceedings.

A. I am sorry to hear of your position which is one that many parents find themselves in. I would strongly advise that you appoint a solicitor as the type of case you outline can be complex. As I am sure you will appreciate the court can only deal with proven facts and if the father fails to admit to any assertions you put to him then it will be for you to prove that he presents a risk.

The court have the option to order a CAFCASS report which is carried out by the Child and Family Court officer (not to be confused with social
services) the purpose of this is to enable an independant inquiry to be conducted and then conclusions drawn. Whether these are accepted by you and/or the court will turn on how those conclusions have been drawn and what other evidence you can bring before the court. Sadly, what often happens is that it comes down to your view and the father's. The court then has to decide whose evidence it prefers which frequently results in trying to find a middle ground.

You refer to "history" if you do have records such as police records for example, perhaps the father has been charged with drink driving in the past or incidents involving drink, then these would assist. You need to be very clear on what your concerns are and be as specific as you can refering to dates and situations. It will not be useful to the court for you to make generalisations. Keeping a diary can help although I appreciate that is only going to apply going forward from today. If you do have anyone who has witnessed the father's abuse of alcohol and resulting behaviour then it would also be helpful if they could provide a witness statement. I do not know how old your children are but their views will be sought by the CAFCASS officer if they are considered to be mature enough, this will depend on the individual child rather than a strict reference to their age. If they have memories of their father and his abuse of alcohol then these too will provide information to the court.

I hope this assists you but I would underline my initial advice for you to appoint a solicitor to represent you.

A. In answer to the question. All cases turn on their individual facts and the question posed is not simple to answer in an email. It is difficult to force a parent to have contact, if proceedings were issued then the court would do what it could to establish why contact is not consistent but would probably question how positive forced contact would be for the child concerned. It may be far better to reduce the periods of contact if it would result in the mother committing properly.

Regards, Lisa

A. I am sorry to read of the problems you are having in relation to seeing your children. It must be very difficult for you and the children will also be struggling to understand why you have not seen them for 3 weeks. It is important that you address this now as there is a risk that the children may begin to think that you do not want to spend time with them. Have you had any contact with them via telephone? At the very least, whilst you are trying to resolve matters, you should be able to speak with them on the telephone. I would not advise trying to allocate blame when you do, children do not want to hear this. They just want to know that you love them and that you do want to see them. Tell them this and that you are just trying to sort out some arrangements with the other parent.

I cannot tell from your question whether the arrangement that is meant to be in place presently is by agreement or a court order. Whichever it is you should start by addressing the issue with your ex partner direct if this is possible. Explain that you want to understand why they keep putting contact off. There could be underlying reasons for this that can be overcome by altering the arrangement but you need to identify early on whether they are supportive of you seeing the children or not. If not, then you may need to get a third party involved such as a solicitor, mediator or collaborator to help you reach a solution. There is practically a presumption that a “non – resident parent” should see their children and good reasons have to be found for contact not to be put in place.

If you do have a court order then you could refer the case back to court. Court proceedings may also become necessary if you cannot reach an agreement although this should really be a last resort. I would recommend that if you are considering taking such a step that you do see a solicitor first.

Best Wishes.